Monday, March 03, 2008

A heart of a lonely woman

I love my mom to death but sometimes she scares me. She's always been a bit bitter towards life. Even when she only has her self to blame some how she finds someone or something to pin her issues on. My mother will never take responsibility for the things she's done. Ever. That's just my mother. My mother the drama queen. She's also the type of person to just tell it like it is. She was very brutally honest. Now to understand why she is the way she is, is a different story. My mother was always a troubled woman. She wasn't your typical sweet mother that every girl goes to when she's having boy trouble. She never hugged me nor said I love you. And if she did it was because she wanted something in return.  She was never close to her family or was it her family wasn't close to her. Not exactly sure. But when I started to interview her unanswered questions started to fill in. I am know starting to understand why my mother is so bitter. But as I asked her questions she was trying to hold back tears as she remembers her past. As I noticed her tears I realized hey my mother is human too.  
How was life as a little girl?

Naci en un rancho en Zacatecaz, Mexico. Teniamos muchos animales como caballos, bacas, puercos, pollos, burros y peros para cuidar los animales. Tenia un hermano y dos hermanas mayores. Heramos pobres. Aveses ni teniamos regalos para la navidad. A los quince anos me fui a los estados unidos para poder trabajar y ayudar a mis papas.

I was born in a small ranch in Zacatecaz, Mexico. We had lost of animals like cows, horses, pigs, donkeys and dogs to watch over the animals. I had an older brother and two older sisters. We were poor. At times we didn't get anything for christmas. At the age of fifteen I had to leave my home to come to the United States so I could work and help out my parents. 
Did your family treat you differently because you were a woman?

Si, a mi y a mis hermanas nos trataban diferente que a mi hermano. Nosotras no podiamos salir. Teniamos que ayudar a mi ama a limpiar y a quidar el rancho. Y si saliamos teniamos que salir con mi ama y apa. Mi ama tambien era muy agressiva con migo. Mi ama me pegaba bien feo. Pero mi hermano tenia mucha libertad.

Yes, my parents would treat us different than our brother. We couldn't go out . We had to stay at home and take care of the ranch and clean the house. And if we did go out we could only go out with my parents. And when I would get in trouble my mother would be very abusive towards me. She would beat me very bad. Yet, my brother always got away with stuff.

What experiences did you go through when you came to the United States?

Tenia quince anos quando vine a los estados unidos. Mis hermanas ya estaban aqui. Mi tia que vivia aqui queria que fuera a la escuela para aprander ingles y agarar mi high school diploma. Pero mis hermanas querian que yo trabajara. Era muy dificil para agarar un trabajo. Hera chiquilla y no sabia ingles. Para aplicaciones les ponia que tenia 18 anos cuando tenia 15. Me decian que me mirava hoven pero me dieron trabajo limpiando hoteles. Deapoco poquito aprendi el ingels. Y con el dinero ayudaba a mis hermanas y mandaba dinero para mis papas. Avese no tenia pera comer. Tenia dos o tres trabajos aveses no tenia tiempo para comer. Algo en mi corazon me dijo que esto no es lo que ase una nina de quince. Pero que iva ser. Sino trabajava mis hermans me ivan a correr de la casa. Estaba sola en este pais y no entendia vien el idioma. Que iva ser. 

I was 15 when I first came to the United States. When I arrived my sisters where already here.My aunt wanted me to go to school so I could get my high school diploma but my sisters said no. They wanted me to work and help pay the bills. They also wanted me to pay for my own food. Life was hard at times I wouldn't even eat. I was working two, three jobs I never had time to eat. Sometimes because I would send money to my parents and help pay bill I didn't have enough to eat. Something in my heart told me that this is not what a typical 15 year old girl had to go through. But in order to please my parents and sisters I had to. I was alone and I was not familiar with the language. If my sisters disowned me where would I go.

 Personally, I wanted to ask more questions but I could tell that she couldn't take anymore. I think this was the most honest and open she's been about her life. She even said sorry for the hard times she's given me. Sorry for all the physical and verbal abuse she's done. It was hard to accept her apology and I know that I will learn how to forgive within time. But for now excuses wasn't doing it for me. Even though we've been through hard times I still love her.       


At 1:42 PM, Blogger ashwelty said...

my mother is the same way. she is very stubborn and harsh, but within reason. i love her to death, but at times i never feel like she really accepts who i am, and what i do. i just want her to love me as much as i love her, but thats another mountain to climb. she came from a small family as well, where she had to get a job young in life too. i respect her completely and am so grateful for all she does for me and my sister and brother, but im sure she doesn't think i do.

At 1:54 PM, Blogger t_pie said...

that sounds a lot like the women in my family; the women have to stay at home and the men are free. my mom also started working at a young age to help her very large family. She worked so much that her and two of her sisters had enough money to buy a new house for the family. my mom has been very hard working her whole life. What keeps my mother so kind is the love that she recieves from everyone around her. All you can do is love your mother as much as possible even though at times it may seem as though she doesn't love you. As long as the love is sent it will come back to you some day. I think it's great that you interviewed your mom and learned more about her because now you can open yourself up to her and just give her the love that she's missing. That's all people really need, love, and with that your mother's heart will become a bit more kind towards everyone and especially to you. i have found that through giving my mom unconditional love that she has opened her mind more to hear what i have to say about things and through our communication she has given me many more privilages than when i didn't talk to her. Communication is the key to happiness. Talk to your mother and open her eyes so that she will see your point of view. Give her the love she deserves and in return you will get the love that you deserve.


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